Every Orthodox community has its "horror stories." As an individual who has spoken on the subject of family violence in Orthodox communities across the country, what I find most troubling is that all of the hotlines and counseling programs set up in recent years are inundated with requests for service. While little exists in the way of statistical surveys, the number of reported incidents of physical abuse easily exceeds 1,000 across the country. Something is very wrong in our ranks, and it must be addressed vigorously at many levels. I have listened to dozens of case histories. As a rabbi, I feel I must alert my colleagues to some common mistakes we make when a woman comes to us with a complaint of family violence. Of course, these "notes" are just that: a basic primer of suggestions important for any rabbi or counselor.